Evil Plot Loans

Every great scheme needs capital. Since 1933 we've underwritten robot armies, weather machines, orbital lasers and at least four attempts to blot out the sun. Tell us the plan. We'll tell you the rate. We will not, however, tell you whether it's a good plan.

Loan Products

Financing for every flavour of villainy

World Domination Loan

The flagship. Full-spectrum financing for large-scale global conquest, from procurement to launch day.

6.66% APR fixed

$5M – $50B
Terms of 5 – 30 years
Interest-only period during monologuing
Hero-interference payment deferral

Shark-Based Weaponry R&D

Revolving credit line for the design, breeding and laser-integration of marine assets.

Prime + 3.5%

Revolving line, interest-only option
Covers sharks, lasers, and the tanks to hold them
Ethics team not required to be consulted
Rate drops after 3 sharks successfully armed

Doomsday Device Lease

Don't buy the device. Lease it. Because what if it works, and suddenly you're over-invested in revenge?

From $40k /month

Operating leases with buyout at end of term
Maintenance and menacing hum included
Annual "off switch" inspection
Excludes freezing-the-world models (see FAQ)

Moon Ransom Bridge Loan

Short-term bridge capital for extortion-based revenue cycles. Get to the ransom before the market does.

8.90% APR short-term

30 – 180 day bridge financing
Repaid from ransom proceeds
No prepayment penalty, unlike hostages
Requires an actual shrink ray (we check)

Weather Machine Financing

Retrofit a satellite, seed a hurricane, or just make it rain inside a rival's boardroom.

7.40% APR fixed

Equipment and launch costs
Seasonal deferral available
Actuarially unpopular. Priced accordingly.

Freeze Ray Starter Loan

Entry-level financing for the aspiring villain's first piece of exotic hardware.

5.99% APR fixed

$25k – $500k
3 – 7 year terms
Trade-in program toward minion armies
Coolant costs reimbursable with receipts

Payment Estimator

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Loan product

Amount: $1,000,000.00

Term: 120 months

$0.00 Monthly Payment

$0.00 Total Interest

$0.00 Total Repaid

Estimate assumes a fixed rate of 6.66%, equal monthly payments and no fees. Actual terms depend on creditworthiness, collateral, and how convincing your laugh is.

How It Works

From scheme to funding in four steps

1. Submit your plot. Outline the ambition, the timeline, and the estimated amount of mayhem.
2. Underwriting. We assess collateral, cash flow and the odds a hero shuts it all down. (We've built a model for this.)
3. Approval. Most projects under $2B are approved within 48 hours, often mid-monologue.
4. Funding. Funds land in your offshore account the same day, in gold, cash or bearer bonds.

Start an application

Underwriting Notes

What we look for

Solid collateral — lairs, death rays, patents on improbable technology.
A believable timeline. "Sometime after the equinox" is not a timeline.
Contingency for hero interference. We strongly recommend one.
At least one functioning exit route from your own trap room.

We reserve the right to decline financing for schemes that are, in our professional opinion, doomed. We have funded 3,977 plots. Roughly 3,900 of them failed. We're still profitable.

Loan Application

Apply for plot financing

Villain name / alias

Secure contact

Product of interest

Requested amount

Describe your scheme

Submitting an application does not constitute approval. Bank of Evil may share your plot with affiliated shell organizations for underwriting purposes, or to steal it if it's really good. Frankly, we haven't decided.